So, I dyed my hair pink because… why not? We’re in a pandemic and (1) there’s nowhere to go and (2) if someone says, “Hey, bro! Your hair is pink!” I’m going respond with deuces and quip, “No shite, Sherlock.”
MOVING ON. During the quarantine we wanted something hearty, so we decided on pasta with a bolognese. There’s the traditional method that takes four hours (Anne Burrell, I’m looking at you and still love my Littlepon plushie nested in your cleavage); there’s also Giada’s recipe that only takes a half of an hour. I combined bits from both and made m’own; the next day, I added heavy cream to reconstitute it, and got pink bolognese. Recipe follows!
TO MAKE THE GREAT BAO’S BOLOGNESE:
1 carrot
1 stalk celery
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
1 pound ground beef (I used 80/20, if anybody cares)
1/2 cup tomato paste
1 cup (as much as you drink in a cup…) hearty red wine
1, 28-oz can crushed tomatoes
8 fresh basil leaves, julienned
1/4 cup parsley, chopped
Kosher salt
1/4 cup Pecorino Romano cheese
8 ounces fresh pasta (or dry, but yes, fresh is best)
A good dousing of heavy cream (for tomorrow’s leftovers, and hence the pink)
(1) In a food processor, pulse the carrot, celery, onion, and garlic into a paste. In a pan over medium-high heat, cook the concoction for 15-20 minutes, liberally seasoning with salt. Stir frequently and scrape up the brown bits — as Anne would say, “Brown food tastes good!”
(2) And the ground beef and season (again) liberally with salt. Cook for another 15 minutes, scraping it frequently to work up a fond.
(3) Add the tomato paste and cook for five minutes, stirring frequently until it’s nice and browned. You want the rawness to go away.
(4) DEGLAZE! Pour in the wine and scrape up all the goodness, then let it reduce to almost nothing, about five minutes.
(5) Add the crushed tomatoes, herbs, and a generous amount of salt — they take a lot of it, like a hooker in Atlantic City. Simmer for thirty minutes until the sauce is nice and thick. Add the cheese.
(6) Meanwhile, boil your pasta. I don’t need to tell you how to do that. When it’s al dente, toss it in the sauce. Serve it with more cheese sprinkled on top and a drizzle of olive oil. You’re welcome.
THE NEXT DAY:
Half and half or heavy cream
(1) Reconstitute the pasta in a skillet over medium heat and, once it’s properly hot, add the cream. Cook at a nice simmer until everything looks nice and glossy.
The end.
PS — I’m still in writing mode! Another Jacob Orange story is coming soon!
